Cut through the Shell
by Inomuiro
Summary: Complete!Sequel to The Touch of a Nightmare. Some time after Sasuke's depart, Gaara has come to Konoha, to receive teachings from Tsunade, and Rock Lee has his mind very set on breaking his loneliness. LeeGaara shonen ai, slight angst in following chaps.
1. Chapter 1

A/N This is settled one year and half after Sasuke's depart, sospoilers till then. Mind, there's shonen ai ahead!

This is a sequel to my other short fic "The Touch of a Nightmare": things back when Gaara tried to kill Lee in the hospital went in a slightly (but substantial) different way than in the anime, so it's really better if you've read that before.

Infinite-Thanking no Jutsu to Acerbitas for her wonderful beta-reading!

Well... I hope you enjoy

**Cutting through the Shell**

**Chapter 1**

_To understand the meaning of words is simple._

_To learn what it means to love and be loved is not. It's complicated, and it's twisted. Moreover, nobody really seems to want me to learn, because love is a feeling, and is instinctual. Nobody wants me to behave more instinctually than I already do. At least, not on my own, for my own sake._

Gaara was sitting on a rock, in a small clearing in the forest, not far from Konoha village. In front of him, a green and orange blur moved from hitting tree-trunks, to doing basic exercises like lift-ups and rope jumping, to slow kicks and fists in the air, and finally to stopping and calming its breath—only if in order to do a complicated sequence of kata,. Lee always trained like he was having a new chuunin exam the next week. He wanted a new chance, he had said to Gaara, with a smile sparkling like sun on water, and he was sure he would win, this time. Gaara agreed. After all, this time he would have not to meet with_ him_, but he did not say that. Lee never brought up the subject of their fight, or of the risk he had run of not being able to be a ninja anymore. Not wanting to dig into the past was something Gaara could understand, since he knew well how the past could cage someone. He did not want to think about his own past anymore. It was part of him, it conditioned everything he was and would ever be. It was exactly like being the medium for Shukaku, and he really did not need to think about it more.

What Gaara could not understand was why Lee kept looking for his company when all the rest of the village, who had less than half the reasons Lee had, was more than willing to keep him at a safe distance. Of course it wasn't safe. Gaara's powers had increased so much in the last years the only one who could probably stand against him in Konoha was Tsunade-sama. Obviously the fact he could do it didn't mean he would. Not anymore, at least. Back in Suna, everyone agreed that the role of Kazekage was meant to be inherited by him. He was rightful heir, he had the power to protect Suna, and right now the Village of Sand, in its position of total submission to Konoha, needed a strong leader very much. They got the Leaf-Village's protection, obviously, but the intention of the Hokage was clearly of going back, as soon as they could, to a position of reliable reciprocated alliance. Suna needed to show other villages that the defeat had not undermined its power. A frontman like Sabaku no Gaara was the best thing they could hope for…at least while he managed to keep himself in control.

That was the main reason he actually was on a diplomatic stay there, in the Leaf Village. He had come on Tsunade-sama's invitation. He had decided to go alone, leaving Temari and Kankuro to take care of things in Suna (mainly Temari, who was the only one in the family who had some political instincts… Gaara was sure he could never do without her, and would have gladly left her the title).

According to Tsunade-sama, mostly of the techniques they had taught him to not be overcome by his guest were purposely stressful, in order to maintain him in a constant distressed state, to make him a best weapon. She was trying to teach him some more efficient jutsu, mainly of her own creation.

He would have really little to do there, apart from the lessons, had it not been for that strange habit he had acquired.

The first time he had seen Rock Lee again the boy had been with that teacher of his, their weird outfits making them stand out in the crowd, as usual. Gaara had thought Lee would have just ignored him. Instead, he'd heard a loud "Here you are!" and the next moment Lee had rushed to him, waving for him to stop with a huge smile. He'd then proceeded to explain his sensei, for what probably wasn't the first time, how Gaara had helped him in the fight against Kimimaru, and very ceremoniously thanked him. Not being sure how to react, Gaara had simply stated that Suna was Konoha's ally, so that had been just normal behaviour.

Then Lee had asked him if he'd got engagements for that afternoon. Beside from talking with Tsunade, Gaara had got anything to do in Konoha. He usually spent time walking around, looking at people, their half-hidden, worried gazes not bothering him at all.

"Then how about you come to the training-field with me? You must be really bored, being here without even training! I do believe Tsunade-sama would have nothing against it! Or maybe Gai-sensei could ask her, just to be sure…" He had looked expectantly at the man, who nodded, rubbing his chin. Gaara had stared at him, wondering how he could be so uncaring, letting his beloved pupil pass time with someone who, had it not for his intervention, would have killed him. But either Lee had already discussed it with him, or their inner ways were just too complicated for him to get them. Then he'd realized Lee was looking at him, waiting for an answer. And since he actually did have nothing else better to do, and that it would at least be a change in routine, he had found himself saying he would.

So he had gone there, in the small clearing with only a trunk embedded in the middle, its surface marked with the signs of countless blows, and a big rock near its edge. It was a secluded place, and he'd found the quiet there appealing. It was the nearest thing to the silence of the desert he'd found in that unfamiliar green world. Lee, already engaged in some kind of exercise had welcomed him, clearly happy.

"I was worried you would not come!" he'd said.

"I'd told you I would."

"Yes." The dark-haired boy had laughed, a bit embarrassed. "I just thought that maybe I had, don't know, annoyed you."

He had turned to look at the field, with an air of mild disappointment. "So… I was going to ask you to train with me, but Tsunade-sama had simply ordered me not to…".

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Eh? Of course because I would never get the chance to spar with someone as powerful as you! Last time we saw… I mean, you're a great fighter, and I wish I could test myself against you again, to make me better!".

Gaara had stared at him, vaguely wondering what specific kind of madness Lee had. He had remembered clearly Lee stating he held no grudge against him for what had happened in their fight on the exam, but still…

Lee had pressed on earnestly. "Since I recovered after Tsunade-sama's operation, it had been your memory that had pushed me to work even harder! I am happy that now our villages are fr…allies, but that would not make me stop wishing i could become strong enough to beat you!" his face fell a little "Even if there's a real lot of work for me to do, still…"

"You'd almost beat me the first time, even if I was the one who won". Gaara stated it as a fact, because that it was.

"Past is past, now we must look only to the future!". Lee answered, his fist clenched, his determined gaze suddenly fixed on something very far away, on the left of Gaara's head. Gaara's eyes narrowed. So he _was_ avoiding talking about what had happened. Then why had he looked for him, if it was such a pain to remember…

"So… I should train for some more time…" said Lee, embarrassed. "It seems I made you come here for nothing…".

"I can watch." Gaara had meant it to be a question. Well, that was how it should have been.

"But won't you be bored?"

Gaara thought about how he could explain that he wanted to stay in that place some time more, but then he just turned and went to sit on the rock. He pulled off the gourd and placed it nearby.

Lee was looking at him bemusedly.

"I won't be interfering with your training?" That was more like it.

"Absolutely not!" exclaimed Lee, now smiling again. "Please, if you have some observations say it!" and he went back to punch the trunk with renewed energy.

Gaara thought it would have been pointless to tell him he never actually trained a lot in taijutsu, so he could not give him advice.

That incident had started the routine. Gaara went there in the afternoon, day after day, watched Lee training for some hours, and thought. Surely it was not boring. Instead he found it strangely enticing to look at the devotion with which the older boy trained himself. Even if that thing about self-imposed rules _was_ weird.

When the hyper-active shinobi was quite finished, he usually lay down for a while on the fresh grass, near the rock, and talked. He talked about any kind of things, from training to stories about Konoha to past fights, and seemed not worried about Gaara participating, something that had made most people just stop their attempts to speak to him. On the contrary, he sometimes stopped to ask if he was annoying him. Gaara said no, and he wasn't even if the sand-ninja didn't know why. Lee had explained Gaara why he could train only in taijutsu and had told him how important Gai-sensei had been into his life. Sometimes he asked Gaara things about Suna, about the desert he never had seen. Gaara tried to explain it to him, and Lee listened intently.

After a week of this, Lee had found out Gaara never ate ramen, so he offered to take him to a place where they did it really good. It wasn't really as if Gaara had any reason to refuse. He usually ate alone in the apartment they gave him, inside the Hokage's palace. A ninja carryed him food. Then he spent the night reading, or watching a sky that somehow looked different.

Lee had looked amazed that Gaara had accepted, and happy. Gaara had decided to suspend his judgement about what made the other boy behave like that, and they went to that small ramen-shop, where the sand-ninja had to admit the food was kind of good. While they were there, a group of other shinobi had entered, between them that brown-haired girl who Gaara remembered being part of Lee's team and crushed by Temari at the exam. She had looked at them clearly surprised, and Gaara prepared himself to leave, since he thought obviously he would have not been welcome between Lee's fellows. But before he could stand Lee had already jumped up to greet her, and invited her and her companion, that guy Shikamaru, to sit with them. The girl, that Lee introduced as TenTen made no attempt to be excessively friendly. She simply politely saluted Gaara, like a foreign shinobi she was not in confidence with, and then said to Lee something about a mission they were going on soon. That was okay to Gaara. He sure didn't feel the need to be treated so friendly, and since she was not Lee it would probably have just seemed fake. That sure was a thing to think about. He had looked at Lee, who was laughing at something the girl had said, while she smirked and shook her head. Lee caught his eyes, and smiled at him, in a soft way. Then he just blushed and quickly looked away, leaving Gaara with some more puzzling things in his head.

When they went out, Lee had asked Gaara if it bothered him that he had made his friends come near. At the negation, he'd sighed relieved, then they walked in silence to the palace, where the guard stared at the bizarre duo.

"Tell tomorrow!"

"Yes."

Being with Gaara all that time, even going to eat something with him in such a casual way (the black-haired boy had immediately turned it into a routine), or walking around in Konoha before training must had been stressful to Lee. That was clear to Gaara, and it made him wonder all more about why he'd put up with all that in the first place.

If they happened to meet someone other than that Maito guy, or the girl, Lee had seemed concerned, even more at the reactions of the other people than at Gaara's. He had caught Lee glaring daggers (and with his eyebrows that was quite a look) at people who whispered beside Gaara's back, and that was just stupid, since Gaara didn't give a damn about what they said.

But one day, Gaara was walking some feet before Lee, like he sometimes did, and they walked past some guys of Lee's age, who had laughed out loud. Gaara's had caught some words, like "loser" and he had realized they were aimed at Lee, who simply kept walking, not even sparing a look. Gaara had stopped, and turned to walk back. It had taken a moment for the boys to realize the sand-ninja was focused on them. Then they just fell silent. Gaara had found immensely amusing how his simple stare, without even using a grain of sand, had made the colour drain out of their faces. Lee, noticing a crowd starting to gather, had hurried Gaara to drop that horrid glare and go away. He did, but not before gracing the idiots with another crooked smile.

While they walked away, Lee had said it was really of no use wasting time with those guys.

"They are trash. They can't even recognize strength when they see it. Not worthy being ninjas," Gaara had stated.

"Uhm, well, they've been doing this since we were kids. Guess they have nothing better to do."

"You should beat them up."

Lee laughed. "That would be just a waste of time. When I become a real ninja they'll have to take back their words. And I do not really care about them".

Gaara's look had been almost deadly.

"You are much stronger than them. You've become much better in the last year, even faster, more precise. It's obvious by your extensive training, even if I haven't seen you fight for real. You should show them".

Gaara had walked a little before realizing Lee had remained back, and was staring with his mouth-open.

"What's the matter?"

Lee shook his head, smiling. "Nothing…".

End Chapter 1, thanx for reading!

Reniew?


	2. Chapter 2

Second chapter ahead! There are some references to events of "The Touch of a Nightmare" in the dialogues here, so it's helpful if you've read it...

Thaaaaaanx to Acerbitas for her beta-reading!

**_Cut through the Shell 2_**

Some days after that episode, Gaara finally brought up the question that had been brooding in him since the day Lee had talked to him. They were walking back home after dinner, the street empty and silent. Gaara had felt restless all that day.

"Why do you keep doing this?"

"This what?"

"This. Being with me, talking… this."

Lee looked at him, then down again at the street.

"If I was bothering you, you would say that to me, right?"

"That's not an answer." Gaara's voice sounded angry, and he breathed deeply to calm himself. He felt the sand in the gourd vibrating, a little, like it had never done in a while. Something was going to happen.

"I… just thought you may appreciate a bit of company. Maybe it is pretentious of me thinking you would have liked mine, but…"

"I don't need it."

"But you are not telling me to leave, right?"

No, and that was the point. He wasn't telling him to leave him alone; he kept going to watch him train and listen to him. He may have argued with himself that he was just trying to learn something more about people, and Rock Lee was a good object of observation. But he could watch everyone all the time, thanks to the sand eye, so that was not what was up.

Gaara stopped in the middle of the street, making Lee almost tumble over.

"I have almost killed you. Twice, actually."

That made Lee flinch, but then he returned the gaze firmly.

"I didn't forget."

"You should be much more fearful of me than anybody else. But you keep seeking me, trying to get at me in ways I don't like. You should know it's not wise to press me."

"I don't want to force you to react; I don't want to make you feel bad. I just…" Lee waved his bandaged hands at nothing. "Laugh at me if you want, but I just wish I could be something like a friend to you…or, if that's too pretentious of me, that I could be...helpful."

"Why?"

"I don't know! Does someone need a reason to do something like that?" the dark-haired boy exclaimed in an almost exasperated tone.

"Yes. If it's me, and it's you, I do believe so."

Gaara resumed walking, this time in the direction of their clearing. Probably thinking the argument was not ended yet, Lee followed.

When they arrived, Gaara pulled off the gourd, placing it near the rock where he always sat. The moon was half-full, waning, its light together with the stars enough to illuminate the place. Well, at least to their ninja-trained eyes. The shadow of the trunk stretched almost to their feet.

"What if your sensei would betray you?" Gaara asked suddenly. Lee, who was probably trying to figure out what to say, had shot his head up like he had been struck, dumbfounded.

"Eh? How? And what this got to do with…"

"Betrayed. Done something really wrong to you."

"That could never happen!" Lee said with passion, and met Gaara's eyes.

"If you believe that so much, when he'll do it you'll be crushed."

"But he won't! Look, don't say things like that, it's impossible, just like it's impossible that I would do something bad to him." The very thought seemed to trouble Lee deeply, and he was starting to get angry. Gaara found it quite amusing.

"Because you love him?"

"Of course! He's like family, and more, since I've never had one." Lee had stood up, looking bewildered at Gaara's smirking face.

"Your family…" Lee trailed off, suddenly seeming unsure. "You've got a family, too. Your siblings must care for you!"

"They just don't know what to do with me. Some time ago it was simple, they just had to fear me, like everyone else. Now things have gotten messed up".

"They don't have to fear you anymore and that makes things messed up?" Lee's face was puzzled.

Gaara looked away, angry. It had been so simple. He had been Gaara, he the container for something horrible and he could do everything he wanted, or almost. Killing…was just so easy and it could make people react with horror, fear, all the feelings he knew so well. Now he had chosen, after everything had happened, he had chosen not to lose control, to lose to _himself_, but the result had been just…terrible. He had lost even that way to feel about others. He refrained from doing anything that could cause harm to those around him, and that was making him become completely numb. It was so wrong…after all now he got someone to care for, to protect (a whole country damn it!). shouldn't have that mad him like other people? But it had not been so easy as he had first thought.

"You all are so complicated," Gaara muttered.

"Who?"

"People. The way you feel, you react…I don't get it, but I just behave like I do."

"You're a person too, and just as complicated!" said Lee. He lifted his hands, but he stopped, not knowing where to put them. Then his face got that determined look again and he put them over Gaara's shoulders.

The next moment he was flying across the clearing. His back hit a tree, hard. He stood up in less than a blink of an eye, and almost put himself into a fighting stance, instinct taking over. But he relaxed immediately and simply stood.

Gaara stared at him, the sand out of the gourd, slowly dancing around him.

Finally, Lee breathed out. "I'm sorry."

Gaara blinked in surprise. He thought that was going to end it, their strange companionship, and he was ready to just turn and walk away.

"I…it's like you said, I'm pushing you…but I didn't mean to."

The sand lowered, and Gaara pushed it back. It rippled, unsatisfied, but he forced it inside the gourd.

"It's me who started it."

"Yes, and you were right. If Gai-sensei would do something like that I just don't know what I'll do. But I do believe that's impossible, and maybe I'm a fool but… you said it, back after Kimimaru died. People are alone at the core, and they do even foolish or bad things for the sake of love, just to feel less alone. You're right, but I do believe that we can do something about that. Nobody can really understand others completely, but that's not enough to make them stop caring for them. So, nobody should be alone."

"Not even bad people?"

"I don't think you're bad". Lee stepped near but made no attempt to touch the other boy again. At least that he had learned. "And you're trying to change a bit, for the sake of your people, you told me that."

"I did?"

Lee smiled a bit. "Yes, you talk very little, but you say things that matter".

The red-haired boy frowned. He remembered explaining Lee the whole Kazekage thing, but he didn't…

"I think this is a great thing!" That earnest, light tone again. Like he _really_ believed that… "I really do, you need so much force of will to do that… it's a thing to admire!"

Gaara shook his head, then turned to his gourd. Even the anger from before had disappeared, leaving the usual numbness.

"It's not going anywhere good."

Lee stared at Gaara as he put the jar on his shoulders, then he closed his eyes, fist clenching like he'd made a heavy decision.

"Maybe it's because of the sand! Ah, I mean…" Lee intercepted Gaara's irritated glare. Of course it was because of the sand… "I mean the Sand Armour! It… protects you always, from everything, so you said? Even, maybe, when you don't want it to…"

Gaara's mind was suddenly attacked by images: a kid falling and not getting his knee to bruise and bleed, like anybody else's would, And a kid with a knife in his hand, With someone, coming near and showing him what that blade could really do.

The sand moved, pressing against the cork.

"What do you think you know about that!" he exclaimed. That idiot didn't know where he was going, didn't know what could that get at. He had to leave now.

Lee looked steadily at him."I had thought about it".

"Really? You did?" Gaara's harsh laughter resounded between the trees. "And tell me, what conclusion have you come to, after thinking so hard!"

"Tell me, instead, why had you not killed me when you came in the hospital, after the fight?"

Gaara looked confused.

"They came to interfere…"

"It wasn't because of that! I was awake, I saw you".

Gaara didn't remember it. He remembered being enraged, and scared, because of what had happened during the match. He remembered _him_ telling him to kill that fool who had dared hurt him. _He _had become so strong after that fight…his usual whispering and lamenting, a constant presence in Gaara's brain that he had learned to tune out with power of will, had turned into furious screaming…

He was now holding his head into his hands, like that time, but he was still in control. He had to be.

"Gaara…" Lee's voice sounded concerned, now, and Gaara just wanted to shout at him: "How the hell can you be worried about me, when you should think about your own safety, and run!"

"You… I thought that maybe you need someone to… I don't know, touch you with no harm intended…" Lee ran a hand through his hair "I'm no genius, I don't understand things so difficult. I can make it only so far trying to understand not being touched in a whole lifetime is… absurd. It's… it could make anyone completely crazy, and you still have a lot more to carry… I, you know, even if I had no right to do so, after we met the last time I asked Naruto-kun about the fight you two had, when… it all happened. He made quite a mess of the story, but what I got made me think that next time I'd meet with you I would try to…"

"Be helpful?"

Lee gave a small bitter laugh. "That sounds really pretentious, ne? And please, don't ask me why, 'cause there's no way I could explain that in words! It's… because I want to! Because I am so selfish I think maybe I can do it. People are well when they laugh and smile, or when they fight and cry and they find someone who supports them. You now are trying so hard, you are fighting against something so great… and I nobody ever said you were good at it! That at least I can understand!"

Lee quieted, and seemed to brace himself for what was going to happen now. He was surely thinking he had went too far.

Gaara closed his eyes. Too many things, too many words. He did not really mourn over the so simple world he had left, in which everything revolved around himself. But this… Vaguely, he realized the sand had calmed again, and that made him smirk. It really did not rule his life so much anymore…

"I was being touched. All the time." He raised an arm, putting the hand in front of Lee, and letting the Sand Armour shift over the skin, grains levitating in the air like an aura.

Lee's face was sad, but somehow Gaara didn't feel like he was pitying him. It was more…like regret.

Gaara closed his fist. "I had been touched by people. I felt them. That guy Uchiha, made me bleed. And before the first one to touch me had been you".

"That had been while fighting… I don't like the idea of me being first person who has touched you, but by hurting you."

"That would be unsavoury."

"Eh? No, I mean…"

"I listen to you, too. So you think I should let myself be touched?"

"Well…I don't think you should force it…"

"I could not, anyway."

They fell silent. Then Lee extended his hand, a bit awkward, like he was not sure of what he was doing, and waited. Gaara looked at it, his cold eyes almost white in the moonlight.

Seconds stretched on, until finally Gaara turned and walked away. He had gone all the way he could.

Lee waited there until the moon set, before finally going home.

End Chapter 2

So... what will happen next?

Thanx for reading! Review?


	3. Chapter 3

So many thanx to Acerbitas for betaing! oh, yes, I always forget. Naruto not mine but Kishimoto-sama's

**Cut through the shell 3**

Lee spent the three following days going from utter depression to sprouts of almost masochistic training. After Gaara did not show up the day after their argument, he had been willing to go looking for him around the whole Konoha, breaking into the Hokage palace if necessary. But he had been afraid that, even if he would have found Gaara, the other boy wouldn't have wanted to see him.

TenTen insisted he should leave Gaara alone for a while, so as to not put any more pressure on him than he already had. That was sensate. Even if simply waiting was something that Lee dispised, there were few alternatives left.

He had been such a jerk. He had believed that things had been fine, had believed that Gaara and he could have really become friends, and that probably had been happening, when… he had ruined everything. He had pushed Gaara away, probably for good, with his nonsense and his totally overbearing attempts to… what? Make the other boy suddenly get over all he'd been through and start to become well suddenly? If Gaara was hating him now Lee couldn't complain much. He had been so pretentious… No amount of will and hard training could make him stop thinking about that. God, the only time in his life he had felt more down was when Tsunade-sama had told him he should give up his dreams…

And then there was that other little problem.

Yes, things were probably doomed to go like that… since he, in the first place, had not been sincere to Gaara. But what had he been supposed to do, he thought while repeatedly punching a tree on the second day's evening. TenTen, who had self-elected herself "Rock Lee Support Team," pretended to be busy checking her weapons nearby.

He had not planned for this to happen! He actually did not realize it was really happening untill the night he had found himself dozing off to sleep with Gaara's face in his mind.

He had thought he was going nuts: he had never been attracted to males before, at least not...not in more than a passing thought! But since the day after he had started to actually look at Gaara… and to feel things, in his guts that, to say things as they were, he had never felt when he was thinking about Sakura, or about any other person, for what that mattered… he had realized he liked Gaara, more than anybody else.

"YOU SAY WHAT!" TenTen's scream probably resounded all through the forest. She looked at him eyes wide open, while he frantically gestured at her to speak lower.

"Lee… I wanted you to get over Sakura… but not in order to get into… _this_! With _him_ of all the people!"

"It is not as I could have done anything about it", answered the dark eyed boy, slightly put out at her reaction. "I… like him, ok? I can not get him out of my head. I can't… stop feeling good when I am with him, just as I can't stop feeling like I'm dying right now. It's… things are like this, and I don't care about what the others think!" He trailed off, knowing this was only partially true. He surely would have sunken even lower, if she, his best friend, would have turned her back on him.

Luckily, at least the basic issue of liking boys was not a problem. He had run to ask for advice from Gai-sensei (remaining general) as soon as he had admitted to himself that, for all his past romantic fantasies about Sakura, that Gaara was totally a different ground. This was something that had much more to do with those talks about hormones and stuff that they had given them at the academy. Gai-sensei had explained him that either this was an "adolescent phase" (which Lee hoped it was not), or it was for life. Either way, this was perfectly normal. He should not have been ashamed of living his life in his own way, and should let himself be lead by the passion of his youthfullness. There could be nothing wrong in that. Lee had been immensely relieved to hear that, and had thanked his sensei with tears in his eyes.

TenTen sighed, and sat down on the grass near him.

"Lee… are you ever planning to just be happy into your life?"

Lee chuckled, a bit of a sad sound. "Don't know, really."

"Apart… from everything, he's the Kazekage to be of another country… even if you two somehow made it work out...I don't know, the basics of it, even if he'd feels the same, would be so unlikely…".

"Well, since he seems not even willing to see me, maybe it won't even matter."

TenTen put an arm over his shoulders, whispering "Baka…" and they remained there in silence till nightfall.

It wasn't untill the fourth day late in the afternoon that Gaara showed up at the training field again. Lee was sparring with TenTen, intent on increasing his speed in order to get as near as he could to her while dodging the impressive amount of weapons she could throw at him. When his eyes caught the dark red-clad figure standing silently behind a tree, on the clearing edge, the taijutsu specialist almost tripped and got himself staked by a kunai.

"Gaara!" he could not stop himself from shouting like a moron, as he ran to stop right in front of the other boy. His huge, happy grin was met by Gaara's usual unreadable stare, but he didn't care. He had come back to see him, so either he was not so mad with him anymore, or he had come to finish him. Anything was better than be left wondering.

TenTen coughed loudly beside him, and Lee turned, a bit embarrassed. She was retrieving her weapons back.

"Ah… uhm…"

"So, I'll go to talk to Gai-sensei about that thing, ok?" she said, and as she walked pass, Lee heard a muffled "Told you so." He sent her a grateful glance.

"Ok! See you…"

Gaara followed her with his eyes. Just before disappearing into the wood, she turned, to face directly the sand-ninja.

"Hey! Tell your sister next time we meet I want another round with her! She owes me one!" Then she leapt and disappeared through the trees.

Gaara's face was puzzled. He glanced at Lee, who was smiling nervously.

"You really are all the same, around there?"

"Eh? Uhm, sort of…" Lee took a long breath and clenched his fist. Ok, here they were. Determination, that was the word. First of all, he had to say he was sorry for what had happened. Then he had to make Gaara understand how he really wanted to be his friend, and even if Gaara didn't feel like reciprocating, he could not stop Lee from caring for him in the way friends do. Yeah, definitely, friends. Not the time to freak him out again with… with something…

"I got a message from Suna, this morning."

Gaara's monotone interrupted Lee's mental planning.

"What?"

The younger boy stepped past Lee into the clearing, his back and the gourd facing the Leaf-ninja.

"I have to get back to my village. Leaving tomorrow at the least. My presence is required: political issues about my father's inheritance".

"…Oh…" Those words had to be the sound of the world crushing Lee's back. He looked down. Oh, right. Well, he knew that Gaara would have to go back to Suna, eventually. He just… had completely removed the thought from his head. He suddenly felt his eyes prickle, and quickly blinked. That was not the moment for tearing, as manly as it could be.

"I wanted to talk with you, before leaving." Gaara turned to look at him. "I thought about what you said. A lot".

"Ah… listen, I have to explain myself… I…"

"You were right".

"…just talked without thinking and… what?"

Gaara eyed him a bit critically, then he let out a breath and went on, looking directly into the older boy's eyes with his crystalline ones.

"You were right. I believe I won't ever understand completely what it means to be normal, human, because of what I am." The red-haired boy lifted a hand to prevent Lee from interrupting. "But I want to try anyway, and get the little that I am able to. I am not forced to become what my father, what who created me wants me to be. Uzumaki Naruto showed me first, showed me that I can choose, and what I want to choose to do is… protect my village, since I've got the strength to do it. And I wish I could learn to share something with the others. You showed that to me. You showed me that maybe that… something, that closeness, that I could feel that too. Maybe. That's..." A bit of the old smirk came over Gaara's face. "If someone actually wants to get close to me".

"Of course they will!" exclaimed Lee, unable to contain his happiness anymore. "I want to become your friend. I thought it was clear, and your brother and sister… Maybe right now they don't know what to do, and probably they too are concerned they could hurt you, but I bet they're just waiting a sign from you that they can come close! I know it!"

"Kankuro and Temari… yes, I believe they still care for me, somehow. In spite of all I've done, in spite of how awkward things are right now. But you are a special case."

Lee didn't stop to wonder if Gaara was referring to his almost non-existent survival instinct, or to some other thing. He extended an arm, thumb-up, and flashed Gaara his best trademark smile.

"If you have the will, I'm sure you can do that! There's no doubt! You're strong enough!"

Gaara looked at him non-plussed, and Lee got the impression he had… Lee sighed, almost inadvertedly. Then the sand ninja brought up a hand, looking at it. He closed his fingers, letting the nails dig into the thin layer of sand, breaking it. Lee watched the smooth surface reforming immediately, flawless.

"But I don't think I can do it, right now. Let go of all this. It's been with me for too much a long time."

"You don't have to push yourself. It will come with time, and practice, I believe. Someday you'll be able to touch other people, and let you be touched, without even thinking about it," Lee said softly. Then he laughed a little. "And after all, for a ninja I still do believe that Sand Armour is something amazing to have. I think… the Sand is part of you, right? You'll just have to get used not feeling everything around you is a menace… uhm, maybe..." Lee averted his gaze, blushing. Again, he was talking freely of things he did not know at all. He should have stopped spiting out sentence after sentence about Gaara's private life…

"Maybe." Gaara closed his eyes, letting Lee steal a look at his flawless face. The dark signs around his eyes… it pained Lee thinking about what they were from, but still he couldn't avoid to finding them fascinating. Because they were another part of what was Gaara, and everything about him was beautiful. Lee breathed deeply. Not going into it. Not now.

"That's why I came to see you," Gaara said.

"Eh? Why?"

The younger boy opened his eyes. Now they showed detemination, a tiny line crossing his forehead.

"I can't let the sand go away. I don't want it either, cause it is my strength, it's what I need to protect my village. But I think I can let someone… into it. With me. Close."

Lee stared, confused.

"What do you mean?"

Instead of answering, Gaara let the gourd uncork with a soft sound. Sand floated out, creating a circle around the two boys, moving slowly in ripples.

Lee looked around, feeling a bit less comfortable than he wished. The sand was low, slow, unmenacing to say the least, but still... He looked up to find that Gaara had stepped near than arms distance. The sand surrounded them, getting thicker.

"Do you understand?"

Lee nodded. Yeah, he thought he got what Gaara was suggesting. And somewhere in his brain there was a warning bell, which he usually ignored, that was starting to ring. This could lead to something bad…

Gaara's glanced away, somewhere to Lee's right, like he was fearful to see his reaction.

"I don't know if I'll ever come back here, like this. Probably not. This is the only way that right now I can get close to… someone".

"You don't have to, if you don't feel like you're ready." As Lee talked, an irritating little voice started resounding in the back of his head, asking who he was trying to protect, this time. That made him angry enough to immediately erase any chance to quit.

"I want to…" Gaara was, for the first time Lee could remember, having difficulties at voicing his usually straight to the point ideas. That was unusual and made Lee wish he could just… touch his face, make him turn to look at him, reassuring him… but that was just a fantasy.

Finally the younger boy looked up.

"I owe you this. After all you did, I owe you to at least try, before I lose the chance."

"…You don't owe me anything…" whispered Lee.

"And I don't want this… try to be with anybody but you. If you want it too…".

He was so close that it made Lee flinch. Maybe… he quickly shook the thoughts away from his head. Gaara was talking about general human contact, that was very clear. Lee must not start to make up things.

And… he was right. This was for sure his last chance to get this near to Gaara. After all, it had been him who had been draging the other boy to this point, right? What kind of coward would he be if he backed now?

The nervousness forgotten, for the moment, Lee grinned. That sounded like a challenge.

"Of course!" he said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes… I know I can trust you, right." Ouch, that had come out like it was question, Lee scolded himself.

Gaara's eyes got an air of dark determination that was almost scary.

"Yes. I will never hurt you again."

"Then…" Lee motioned at the sand around them. "Do what you want."

Gaara nodded, and took another step closer. Now they were only inches apart, Gaara's eyes almost at level with Lee's.

"Stay still."

As he took on that kind of lifeless stillness only shinobis were trained to have, Lee caught a glimpse of the sand, of much more sand, rising behind him, coming around and over them.

The next moment they were surrounded by darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

last chapter ahead!

**Cut through the shell 4**

From the outside the sand that secluded them should have looked like that round, turtle-egg shape Lee had seen at the chunin exam. The darkness was thick and solid, except for those strange light patterns left by the light moving around over his orbs. Lee closed his eyes, since there was really no difference. As soon as he did, a huge wall of sand rose to crush him: the scene from his fight with Gaara, the images that were carved into his brain for good. Playing in his mind, fearfully realistic, as they had done for so many months in his nightmares. He focused on sweeping it away. Last time he had seen the Sand in a fight it had come to his aid, he had to remember. Now he was safe. He should be. He was in Gaara's ultimate defense, he should…

This was not a good idea, a voice stated firmly in his mind.

Lee was used to doing mad, suicidal things. But he was… fighting, when he did. Running, moving, too fast to think. He was not standing still, waiting for… the thing around him started to tighten. Lee forced back the urge to open his arms and feel how much space there was, feel if it was already getting smaller. Or if the air was running out.

No, this is absurd. He was with Gaara, and Gaara had said he wouldn't hurt him. He trusted Gaara. He did, right? Gaara was… he wasn't anymore…

Lee was scared as hell.

Breathing was difficult, there really was no air. He felt his jawbone stiffen, teeth clenching hard. His left arm and leg were aching. His mouth opened, ready to scream.

_It's not real!_ his own voice shouted in his brain. _Get a hold of yourself!_ There was no reason to feel this pain, and he was behaving like a coward. That was it. This revelation annnoyed him enough to stop him from starting to hit the barrier and break free. Lee ordered his muscles to relax, as he did before some difficult exercise, and breathed, deeply. He filled his lungs with the air that freely penetrated the shield. No need to worry. He felt like smiling.

Then he felt hands over his bandaged forearms, almost startling him again, a ginger touch not much heavier than a feather. Gaara had waited for him to get at ease, to see his reaction.

Now Lee could not fail him.

Gaara moved his fingers up Lee's arms, feeling the texture of his uniform, examining it, till coming to rest over his shoulders. Then the fingertips reached Lee's jawbone, barely a brush, now skin to skin. No barrier at all. Lee heard Gaara hold his breath. The touch was cold, exactly as he remembered from that dreamlike experience, more than a year ago. The boy wanted so badly to take those hands into his own, to breathe on them, to warm them. His previous fear was totally forgotten now. He wanted to hug the smaller boy, one of those big bear-hug which he knew from experience could make things better, at least a bit. And then hold him close...closer. But he reminded himself to be still.

The Sand-ninja traced Lee's features like he was a blind man. He touched his cheeks, his ears, his closed eyelids with the awkwardeness of a baby. When his fingers rested on Lee's lips, feeling the softness, Lee had to physically restrain himself from reacting. He was surely blushing. Luckily it was dark. He should not think about it, this was all about Gaara, not about him and his own wishes… Then Gaara slipped his arms under Lee's, around his body, and held, pressing himself against him. That made Lee's eyes fly open, to met only blackness, and he stiffened.

"G-Gaara?"

"Hold on. Only a bit."

Lee obeyed, mainly because he didn't know what else to do. He stilled like a stone. That was going… he didn't know where.

Gaara was only some inches lower than Lee, so he only had to push himself up a little. He put his lips against Lee's and stayed still. Not a kiss, not lingering at all. Just a contact. Lee's mind went blank, simply, totally, and he could not avoid moving, feeling into it the slightest bit. But he immediately stilled, afraid he was doing something wrong.

Gaara kept the contact some moments more, then he backed up and pressed his face against Lee's shoulder, hard, almost with desperation. His hair tickled Lee's jawbone. Finally, Lee let his body (which sometimes seemed to know what to do better than him) take over and put his arms around the other boy, careful to make sure there wasn't the littlest sign of discomfort from the smaller form. He cuddled him, his hands moving slowly over Gaara's back, and he turned to kiss his hair softly. He did not say a word.

Lee couldn't remember how much time they had remained like that, before light finally pierced into the egg and the Sand crumbled away. Gaara stepped back, his gaze low. Lee stretched his arms, with much satisfaction. He smiled, a bit uncertain.

"It's not so bad, right?" Geez, that was intelligent…

"It isn't." Gaara sat down on the grass, cross-legged. He was looking at his hands, where the shield was probably reforming already. Then he touched his lips. This time there was nothing to hide Lee's flushed face, so he sat down too, looking away.

He wondered if he should get into it. He didn't know, since, well, what was he supposed to think about it. Surely Gaara wasn't clueless about the meaning of some gestures, right? So…

"Uhm… Gaara, that… I mean…"

Gaara glanced at him, then resumed looking at the grass in front of him.

"That was… a meaningful way to touch."

"Ah… yes, surely it is. It's just…" Lee wanted to scream at Gaara that he was, well, jumping past a lot of steps. Steps that they were not even supposed to… Well, in the first place this wasn't so usual for same-gender people. Uhm, well, at least he hadn't seen it done so often. But anyway… "Yes, it's meaningful. A lot," he ended.

Gaara's fingers were fiddling with the grass, plucking some stems. It occurred to Lee that some time ago he would probably have used the Sand to do that. It was… good.

"That's because I did it. You are the only one that I can… that I want…" Gaara stopped, probably annoyed at his own unusual trouble with words. "I wanted to show you that I care. And you didn't dislike it. You weren't repulsed, I know."

_Surely not…_ Lee wondered how Gaara would have reacted if this moment had been shared with someone who was not so happy with the idea. Maybe Lee would be better off not knowing; he had been so and that was what mattered. His heart fluttered at Gaara's words. Could it be… But no, that was so unlikely and it would have be foolish think otherwise. He kept forgetting Gaara was not used to any kind of contact, so he was just maybe…

But he had to say things as they were, anyway. He was done with not being sincere to himself about Gaara.

"I… Yes, I liked it. A lot. Because…" Big breath…

"You. Like. Me." Gaara pronounced the words with care, as if they might have broken and vanished unheard while he said them. As if they were heavy as steel. They probably were.

"That's the meaning of this. That should be. Am I right? Because that's why I did it." He stared at Lee, who was gaping. So much for his eventual love-confession…

"…Yes. But!" he gushed, afraid of what was going on, afraid that this was going somewhere where they both could be hurt. "You should not, I don't know, rush things… Maybe you felt like doing this because I'm the first one who tried to get close to you…"

Gaara's eyes narrowed.

"I'm not lying."

"I don't think you are." It suddenly occurred to Lee how very hard it must have been for Gaara to voice those kind of feelings. Being hurt so bad as Gaara had been… Lee felt so horrible. How it could have been easy… to just accept all of that, and then… He didn't even know what could happen afterwards. But Gaara did not need any more trouble than he already had to deal with. Surely, Lee would never hurt him. He could bet his life on it, but still…

"Believe me, I would be the happiest guy in the world if things were like that… I would never let you down, and I won't, no matter how things go, because I do feel for you like you said." Somehow, the word love was not something Lee found right to use right now. That was… that should be used for another moment.

Gaara shifted to hug his knees, and Lee wished he could hold him again.

"I did it because I felt like it. I do… appreciate being with you. I like you talking, I like watching how you move, I…" Gaara stopped.

After some minutes, he stood up, with a new air of resolution around. "I understand. I have to leave this place tomorrow, anyway."

"Yes." Here, that was the right thing, said Lee to himself. After all, he could still keep caring for Gaara (maybe there was even someway to go to Suna on ninja-duty…), there was no need to ask something back. Even if every cell in his body was screaming that this was completely wrong, letting him go like that. Even if he felt like dying.

"I'll come back, soon I think, since I'm still not officially named the Kazekage and I have things to do here," Gaara went on. "We'll meet again, and then, we shall see?"

Lee was round-eyed, and taken aback.

"I'm not letting this go, and I'm not going to lose this. You may see you're not the only stubborn person around there. That, if at the time you'll still feel like this." Gaara's face fell a little, his dark-circled eyes betraying that he was still bleeding inside. "That's if you'll really want to deal with…" He vaguely gestured at himself, and the sand, which was hidden.

"I will!" Lee jumped up and, before thinking, grasped Gaara's hands in his own. The other boy stiffened, and Lee tightened his hold a bit before letting them go. Clenching his fists, he smiled a smile that was so huge it probably had never been seen before. What a fool… was he really giving up? That was worth a five-hundred laps around Konoha on one hand…

"Then it's a deal!", he went on. "We'll meet again, and I know I have been failing you right now, but believe me, give me one more chance and I shall really prove that I love you, more than my life. Our Springtime of Youth shall really begin!"

At Gaara's confused eyes Lee blushed. "Ah… I mean, I'm really happy!" Ok, so he completely went overboard by saying that…but oh well.

"But I'll write you too, as long as we can't see each other!"

"…Ok…". Gaara had been probably overcome by Lee's final rush, but the resolution into his eyes had not faltered. He tilted his head a bit.

"One last thing."

"Sure! What?" Lee felt ready to defeat sandstorms with mere punches and kicks, or to go and talk directly to Tsunade-sama about all of this, if that was what was required to make this beautiful thing work.

"That was not a real kiss, right? Will you show me how that should be?"

Lee's face shone like the sun.

FIN

I can't believe I really finished a more than one chapter fic... Thank you so much for reading this! As always criticism welcome!


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